कागज़ और कलम (CXIII)

आजकल बिना कुछ लिखे नींद नहीं आती l शायद लिखकर ही मैं अपनी बात बयान कर पाती हूँ l मैं क्या सोचती हूँ , क्या समझती हूँ , क्या व्यक्त करना चाहती हूँ - यह और कोई समझे या ना समझे , ये कलम ज़रूर समझ जाती है l

मिली हूँ मैं बहुत से लेखकों से , किताबें भी बहुत सी पढ़ी हैं l अच्छे लेखक और अच्छी किताबें कुछ ही होती हैं l  कुछ ही होती हैं जो आँख में आँसू और चेहरे पर मुस्कान ले आती हैं l शायद वो किताबें दर्द से , दिल से लिखी गयी हैं l

मेरे लिए लिखना एक कला नहीं , खुदी से बात करने का ज़रिया है l  लिखकर एक शांति , एक सुकून सा मिलता है l  मानो दिन भर की सारी थकान , सारा चिड़ चिड़ापन इस कागज़ पर उतार दिया हो l मानो मेरा सारा दर्द इस कागज़ ने सुन लिया हो l 

PEOPLE WHO HURT ME (CXII)

I feel most of our daily problems revolve around people. Probably that is why most saints detach themselves from this world, they detach themselves from people.

I get hurt when I courier a book to someone and they don't even inform me that they have got the book.
I get hurt when in a book exchange, despite the promise,  I do not get the book from the other side.
I get hurt when on a trip my friend keeps drinking without appreciating the beauty around.
I get hurt when somebody who is earning more than me borrows money and never returns it.
I get hurt when I offer friendship but the guy has 'hots' for me.
I get hurt when acquaintances interfere in my personal life.
I get hurt when somebody whistles when I am cycling.
I get hurt when someone passes their share of work on me.
I get hurt when someone copie my poems
And many a times I feel lonesome and broken.

But for me, detachment is not the solution. We as humans are meant to be amongst humans. We are here to love and learn.

I feel happy when somebody sends me a thank you note after receiving my book.
I feel happy when in a book exchange someone sends me two instead of one book.
I felt happy when a female friend showed her gratitude by writing a long message as to how she felt strong and more confident after the trip with me.
I feel happy when somebody offers me help on my solo trips.
I feel happy when I meet random people and have long conversations with them.
I feel happy when strangers unknowingly solve my problems by telling stories about their own lives.
I feel happy when people clear the way for me and help me out with directions while I am cycling.
I feel happy when someone does my work when I am overburdened.
I feel happy when someone is inspired from my writings.
And, I, most of the times, am confident and smiling.

जन्मदिन (CXI)

हर साल की तरह आज फिर उनका जन्मदिन था I  सोचा दूर हैं तो क्या हुआ , इस बहाने बात ही हो जाएगी I बहुत से ऐसे दोस्त हैं जिनसे साल में दो बारी ही बात होती है, एक उनके जन्मदिन पर और एक मेरे I  

तो जब उन्हें जन्मदिन की बधाई दी, वो कहते, " बधाई किस बात कि I आज  ज़िन्दगी से एक साल और कम हो गया I " 

थोड़ी हैरानी हुई सुनकर पर मैंने कहा , " शुक्र है कि ज़िन्दगी का  ये एक साल ठीक से बीत गया I " वो हँसे  और कहते, " तुम क्या जानो कैसे बीता है ये एक साल I " कुछ सही नहीं था शायद I पहले ऐसे नकारात्मक तो नहीं थे वो I 

मैंने सोचा और कहा , " शुक्र है ये साल अच्छे से बीत गया, और अगर नहीं बीता तो शुक्र है कि बीत गया I" 

वो मुस्कुराये और बोले "समझदार हो गयी हो, कहाँ से सीखा है ? "  क्या जवाब देती I बस इतना पता था कि ऐसे ही जन्मदिन आते गए, जाते गए, और सिखाते गए I 

    

वो फूल और खत ! (CX)

एक पुरानी किताब में तुम्हारा सालों पहले दिया हुआ गुलाब का फूल मिला I बेजान, रंग उड़ा हुआ, मुरझाया सा I  पर उसमें तुम्हारे प्यार की सुगंध अभी भी थी I  आज भी मुझे याद है, वो महक तुम्हारे इत्र की जब तुम पहली बार गले मिले थे I

  

उस गुलाब के फूल  के साथ तुम्हारा खत भी मिला I  संभालकर रखा था अब तक I  स्याही थोड़ी उड़ गई थी, पर तुम्हारे शब्द अभी भी अस्पृष्ट थे I  अकेली थी I अक्सर अकेली ही होती हूँ I  वो खत पढ़ा तुम्हारा I  लगा कोई साथ है अभी भी I  

जानते हो मेरा सबसे बड़ा डर क्या है - भीड़ में अकेला महसूस करना I  इसलिए अब मैं अकेले रहना ही पसंद करती हूँI  खुद से ही खुश, और कभी खुद से ही  खफ़ा I  किसी और के सहारे जीना या किसी और का सहारा बनना मेरे लिए थोड़ा मुश्किल ही है I  आज खुश हूँ की तुम्हारा खत और फूल मिला I  शायद अब ये ही मेरा सहारा हैं I  

जीवन शैली (CIX)

आज अचानक थकान सी महसूस हुई । शरीर की नहीं । दिल दिमाग की थकान । दिल जो दुनिया से झूझते - झूझते थक गया है और दिमाग यही सोचने में की क्या गलत है और क्या सही। खैर, सही गलत की परिभाषा तो कुछ नहीं है । मेरे लिए जो सही वो तुम्हारे लिए गलत हो सकता है, और अक्सर ऐसा ही होता आया है। इसलिए शायद अब मैं थक गयी हूँ। थक गयी हूँ यह समझाते - समझाते  की मैं क्या चाहती हूँ,  क्या सोचती हूँ , क्या महसूस करती हूँ। थक गयी हूँ समझते- समझते इस दुनिया के नियम और कानून । हाँ ! कानून पढ़ा है मैंने। वकालत भी कर ली । शायद इसलिए ही सही गलत की परिभाषा अब थोड़ी डगमगा सी गयी । दो पक्ष सुनो तो दोनों ही सही और दोनों ही गलत लगते हैं । ये जो दिल दिमाग है न, बड़े ही अजीब हैं । हमेशा एक दूसरे से उल्टी  ही दिशा में चलते हैं । अक्सर ही जीवन के छोटे - छोटे वृतांत पशोपेश में डाल देते हैं । मैं कभी दिल की तो कभी दिमाग की सुन लेती हूँ । ऐसा ही होता आया है अब तक, ऐसा ही करती आई हूँ मैं अब तक । यही कर कर के अब थक गई हूँ । झूझते - झूझते , समझते  समझाते थक गई हूँ ।

WHY I LOVE TRAIN JOURNEYS (CVIII)

I got the lower side berth. I placed my backpack at a comfortable place and took deep breaths. I caught the train just on time. I looked around hastily. It is my habit to check the people around me when I am travelling alone. 

Two girls  were sitting on one berth with their laptops and opposite to them a guy was watching some animated movie on his laptop. Another middle aged man was reading magazine sitting beside him. I settled down and the attendant came with a water bottle. After a while a 25 year old guy came to share my berth. His was upper side berth.

I memorised my earlier college days and train journeys when I used to travel from Pune to Delhi and many a times in non-AC sleeper class. At that time the 28 hours journey was covered at drop of an eyelid. I met people playing musical instruments, singing songs, debating, discussing politics and law. In one journey I had met few wrestlers from Kashmir who took care of me like a child and in another I met struggling actors, and the journey used to end listening to their stories.

However, things have changed now. I have changed now. Earlier I used to talk to strangers as if I knew them since beginning. But now I think a lot before initiating a conversation. Probably now I want to spend maximum time with myself. The best time is to have lone time. And what better than a train where no one knows me. Book, camera and view outside with food coming every now and then, I was delighted. 

The girl with the laptop was wearing a purple colour T-shirt and was continuously working and fidgeting in tension. It seemed that she was working on some office project and while I was enjoying my journey I wondered that all our life we keep running behind something which is inside us- our own happiness.  

A train journey is never complete without a book. I was reading and they switched off the lights. I was  curious as to what would happen next in the book, waiting for the sun rays to enter soon. The train stopped for few seconds at Surat station and though I could not click any pictures but Surat station has some amazing and meaningful graffiti. It was full of colours.  

The next morning when the sun was at its peak and the Western Ghats had started and the cows were gazing on open lands, I saw a boy waving at our train. Probably that was his daily routine to wave at all the trains. I knew he could not see me but I waved him back. I remembered a line I read in the book:

"The world follows its own course. Each possesses his own thoughts, each treads his own path. It is with everyone. The world follows its own course."

I could feel and think more when I am travelling. I was hoping that the journey never ended. I kept sitting near the window with sun rays touching my face, with book in my hand, with headphones on listening to my music, sometimes looking outside the window watching the passing rivers and the mountains in Western Ghats. It is true that a journey never ends.

TRAVEL: WITH MONEY (CVII)

Disclaimer: Read the full article to arrive at any conclusion.

"Do I love my job? 

No.

But does it afford me the ability to go on lavish vacations and buy anything I want?

Also no. "

I pondered a lot thinking about the title of this article and I could not think of any appropriate one. I am a pro traveller and I can't imagine my life without travelling. But recently I came across many articles usually emphasising on travelling by quitting one's job, by stating that you do not need money to travel. I would say, that it is a very optimistic approach to encourage travelling but in my opinion it is quite impractical. Yes! There are people who travel without any money, but what they do in turn is hitch hike, ask locals to give them a place to stay and cook them a food. Humanity exists and that is why they exist. I do not see any problem in that also till the time they get the help and they are happy about it. But what bothers me is when they ask for money with a promise to return it, which they never do and then claim that they travel without any money and their life is totally sorted. I have many traveller friends who have made travelling their jobs and they are quite happy about it. In the end one needs to work to survive- mentally and physically. 

During my solo travels I have come across many travellers and have found many travellers on social media also. It is always good to talk to travellers as they have lot of hidden stories with them. But amongst them few asked money from me stating one or the other very emotional and genuine reason- example: one needed money for his sister who is travelling abroad and his net banking is blocked. To few I had to say no (it was very difficult and uncomfortable for me and that ultimately ruined the friendship) and to others I fell for their "genuine" reasons, owing to my gullible nature at that time. That somehow saved the friendship for that period but ultimately it was ruined as that money was never returned. I felt a sense of being used, I felt foolish. For me money was never the issue, what bothered me was the broken trust. 

As rightly said by Robert Kiyosaki- "Money is not the goal. Money has no value. The value comes from the dreams money helps achieve."

I realised value of money when I was admitted in hospital.

"The importance of money flows from it being a link between the present and the future."

It is true that money is not everything. What is important is to be productive which ultimately leads to making money. And more money is also not a solution as there is no definition of "more". What is important is to have a content life. 

Some pictures from my solo trips:

Narkanda, Himachal - May 2015

Tosh, Himachal - December 2016

Jibhi, Himachal - June 2017

Arambol, Goa - December 2015

Kasol, Himachal- November 2015