The Day I Realised That I Am Alive: May 2015

Sunday, May 17, 2015

CANCER! (XXIX)

It has been more than a year now, but still whenever I get those images of syringes, injections, white hospital bed, blue gown, the big medical machines, the blood and the platelets in front of my eyes my body starts shivering. That was the bad time and the most difficult one of my life. However, that time had taught me a lot.

FEAR

Fear is the biggest enemy of human kind. In fact we fear God also that's why we pray Him and always try to please Him. We basically fear pain. I got cancer in leg. After going through 5 surgeries- 2 major and 3 minor, 3 in leg and 2 on shoulder, radiotherapy and chemotherapy the fear of pain is completely gone now.

Another fear of humankind is death. Well! Now I laugh at death.

DARING

Removal of fear automatically made me daring and bold. While on bed I started jotting down things I needed to do, out of which some were going on a solo trip, learning bike, travelling on bike, to dance again, to go on trip driving my own car etc. All this was dependent on my leg. After one year now I have already gone on a solo trip to Narkanda, have drove my car till Jim Corbett, have started dancing and am back on my feet. And my plans for learning bike have already started taking shape.

FUTURE

I have stopped thinking about future. I had made lots of plans before but then cancer struck me. Life is unpredictable and pain is inevitable. I have realised that each living day is important. I have started valuing my life.

HEALTH

Though health is uncertain, but taking its good care is in our hands. Disease will fall on us but to fight with that disease is important. I have realised the importance of good health. Now my schedule includes daily exercise. My office is on 6th floor and I prefer taking stairs than the lift. Every morning reaching office by stairs give me a sense of great achievement.

FAMILY

More than me it was my family who had suffered. I could understand the pain of my mother when she saw me in ICU. I could realise the pain of my father when he used to go out of the hospital room whenever a nurse came to put a drip or an injection. I could understand the pain of my sisters when they used to put oil on my leg and the pain of my brother when he used to caress my head. My family is now everything for me. We follow the policy of "LET BYGONES BE BYGONES' and rarely discuss that time.

There is reason for everything I suppose. I won't say that whatever happens, happens for good. Me getting cancer was never good. But yes, it made me stronger, more confident, more acceptable to the situations and made me understand life, MY LIFE.

Saturday, May 9, 2015

MY FIRST SOLO TRIP- NARKANDA DAY 3 (XXVIII)

Day 3

I did not want to miss the final sunrise of my trip so I got up again at 5.30 am. Enjoyed the view, had breakfast and started my return journey to Delhi.

Matiana- Dalli- Shimla- Kalka- Delhi

On the return journey I felt as if I knew all the roads, all the people, roads were no longer strange and people no longer strangers. I felt as if I belong to that place. I talked to many people in buses while returning. A middle aged village man initiated talks after seeing my mobile power-bank. He got amazed and said "Safar ke liye to bahut achi cheez hai ye (It's a very good thing for travelling)". He then told me the story about Bhalku, an uneducated unknown 'engineer' who was the master mind behind toy train of Shimla, when Britishers failed to complete it successfully. He told that there is Bhalku festival in Shimla once a year specially dedicated to Bhalku.

It was Buddha Purnima, the full moon day and the moon was all in its glory, shining brightly, like a sun, towards which I could glare continuously for hours with my eyes wide opened. I could easily admire it, wishing it should never disappear, it was the beautiful evening. Moon was glowing, alone, aloof, unaware of the fact that people are staring at it. It doesn't need anyone else. It was complete on its own, within itself, complete in its own brightness, in its own shine. And I started comparing the life of the moon with my life.

Kalka Station

When pondering about the benefits of solo travelling I realised that this was my best trip till date. There was no one to judge me, no one who knew my past or present, no one to sympathise or ask questions.I could understand more people, could talk to more people rather than sticking to few. I accepted challenges, solved problems on my own rather than relying on someone. I got to know my limitations and my strengths. It increased my confidence. I got to know my life (though there is still so much left to explore). The only drawback of solo travelling is you don't have much of your own pics except the funny selfies. And the best part is that you enjoy the full rooms and the taxis all for yourself.

My room- Krish Rauni Resort

I really want to thank my parents (I told them that I went alone after coming back from the trip and I was kind of prepared for their reactions) to understand me. At first they were shocked listening to this and their reaction was kind of funny. They did not say anything and slept off. It was the next day that I talked to them for hours telling them all the stories, sharing all my experiences and they listened everything with great interest. Later on my mother joked " When and where is the next trip?" and my father said "I should buy you a selfie stick".

Here sharing some more pictures:

My room window

Thursday, May 7, 2015

MY FIRST SOLO TRIP- NARKANDA DAY 2 (XXVII)

2nd May, 2015- 4th May, 2015

Day 2

Getting up at 5.30 am with the chirping of birds without any alarm, seeing the sunrise, watching the colour of the mountains changing from dark green to bright green, it was an unbelievable dream. I haven't thought about this in my dreams also.

View from Krish Rauni

I had a delicious breakfast when the owner of the resort guided me as to how to reach Hatu Peak. Owner, Mr Vineet who stays with his wife and a cute Labrador at Krish Rauni only, is a thorough gentleman and very helpful. He dropped me till Matiana bus stop from where I could get a bus till Narkanda.

Matiana-Narkanda-Hatu Peak

Narkanda-Narkanda Lake

Narkanda-Thanedhar

Narkanda-Kotgarh

At Narkanda I hired a taxi (it took me a while there as I was looking for a sharing taxi but all in vain and I had to hire a taxi all for myself) to reach Hatu Peak-Temple, Narkanda Lake, Kotgarh and Thanedar. The road till Hatu Peak is a very narrow road and my driver- Mr Surender (very professional) had to reverse the car at least 11-12 times to make the way for other cars.
Finally I was at Hatu Peak. No words, no picture could describe that scene. It was like a painting, a wallpaper in front of me. Snow covered mountains and clouds like cotton above them, clouds in all shapes as if telling me a story. Tears rolled down from my eyes. I was at top of the mountain above which there was only sky and all other fellow mountains were beneath me. I could see all the roads I had travelled to reach there.

View from Hatu Peak

Hatu Peak

View from Hatu Peak

At Hatu temple I thanked God for letting me do this. When I was trying to take selfies Surender ran towards me and said "Let me take it Mam." He then said "Mam, you came at the right time. 10 days before there was lot of snow and the roads were blocked and after 15 days there will be Hatu festival. People from everywhere come to attend this festival. At a time only 200 cars can come here and others have to wait down the hill till they return." When we were crossing some apple orchards he showed me his house and his trees. He told that every season he could gather at least 4000 boxes of apples and sold them to Narkanda market vendors or sent them to Delhi or Chandigarh.

Hatu Temple

Narkanda Lake

Apple orchards

Surender dropped me back to Narkanda bus stop and from there I took a bus till Matiana. The bus was full and I sat on one empty seat. I still could not believe that I was roaming on those strange roads amidst all strangers, unaware of what was store-in next for me. Without realising I by mistake sat on conductor's seat. For a while he stood and collected money from passengers and when one of the passengers got down, he sat beside me.Sometimes even if you don't want to talk, you have to. I couldn't ignore him, as I was alone I couldn't be rude to the locals (though afterwards it became an interesting talk).

Conductor: Where are you from?

Me: From Delhi

Conductor: O! Delhi is very polluted, it is too cold, and it is too hot. I go there only in winters and come back in 10 days as I get really bored there. Anyhow, how is Arvind Kejriwal? What all has he done till date?

Me: Let us give him some time. I can't say anything as of now.

Conductor: What do you do in Delhi?

Me: I am a lawyer.

And suddenly he moved 2 inches away from me. That was hilarious.

Conductor: That is very nice.

I got down at Matiana bus stop when I realised that my phone had stopped working. Nevertheless it was just 3.00 pm so I decided to walk till my resort. I was walking and asking and confirming from people about the way till Krish Rauni resort. After walking for a while I came across a building which I realised I had never seen before. I got a hint that I was going in a wrong direction. I saw a guy coming from a distance and I ran towards him. He said "O! Are you the one who has come alone? I actually work at Krish Rauni only.Can you see that truck. Just opposite to it climb a little, then stairs would come and you will reach the resort." I had a sigh of relief. I climbed the mountain, took some stairs and then I again climbed the mountain when I realised that I am stuck in middle and there was no way to go either up or to come down. I was about to take out my whistle calling for help (I went all prepared for the trip with whistle, pepper spray, swiss knife etc.) when I saw a girl from my resort. I shouted.
Me: Heyyy! Excuse me! Please call someone, I am stuck here.
She: Heyyy! How did you manage to reach there?
Me: It's a long story. Please call someone fast.
She called her father.
Dad: Heyyy! How did you manage to reach there?
Me: It's a long story. Please call Mr Vineet.
He called Mr Vineet's wife.
Wife: Heyyy! How did you manage to reach there?
Me: It's a long story. Do something.
Wife: Ok. I call Vineet.
Vineet: Heyyy! How did you manage to reach there?
Me: Do something.
Finally Mr Vineet came for my rescue, he pulled me up and that was how I reached my lovely Krish Rauni resort.

Me: Thanks a lot and sorry for all the trouble
Vineet: O! That's ok. The best part about mountains is you can start from anywhere and you will reach your destination.
And I thought "Thank God! I didn't reach my final destination" and I laughed on my own.

The mountain which I climbed to reach my resort

Day 3- The journey back to Delhi is following in next post.

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

MY FIRST SOLO TRIP- NARKANDA DAY 1 (XXVI)

2nd May, 2015- 4th May, 2015

For the first time I walked in hills alone

For the first time I got up at sounds of birds, I was so determined to see the sunrise

For the first time I saw red clouds, with sun-rays passing through them

For the first time I didn't realise the bruises on my hand until I saw them

For the first time I realised if food is delicious I can relish it alone

For the first time I saw a Labrador barking on crow

For the first time I realised that writing in a diary is better than typing on word in laptop

For the first time I laughed on my own loudly, while reading a book

For the first time I was quiet for such a long time.

For the first time I realised I enjoy this silence, my silence and my time.

This was my first solo trip to Hatu Peak, Narkanda.

Day 1

Delhi-Kalka-Solan-Shimla-Matiana

I sat in train (Kalka Shatabdi) in all hurry with an only anxiety whether I sat in the right train at the right seat. When I was confirmed that I was right I took a deep breath. Gazing out of the window I suddenly realised, 'O Shit! I am seriously doing this. I can't believe this.'

I was reading my book Veronika Decides to Die by Paulo Coelho and I suddenly looked out of the window. The sight was unbelievable. There were thousands of Sunflowers glittering, shining, smiling at the sun, as if a large yellow bed-sheet with black dots has covered the earth.

I reached Kalka and took a sharing auto till bus stand to find a bus till Shimla. With me there sat a young couple with their daughter and an old Punjabi couple. From here the conversations started:

Young lady: Where are you going?

Me: Matiana from there Hatu Peak, Narkanda

Young lady: Where is it?

Me: It's 70 kms ahead of Shimla.

Young lady: O! So far. So have you got relatives there?

Me: No

Young lady: Are you working there?

Me: No

Young lady (all confused): So why are you going?

Me: Just a trip

Young lady (shocked): Alone? Just like that?

Me: Yes

Young lady: O! Wow! Great! But why are you going so far? Why not Shimla?

Me: I have been to Shimla thrice. That's why decided this place now.

Young lady: We are going to Shimla for the first time. What all is there to see?

Me: Jhaku Temple, Mall Road, go to Kufri, ride on horses and go till hill top, go to Chail.

Old lady: Oh! Is there any other way to go till hill top except horses. I get scared of horses.

Me: It's worth it aunty. Take a small horse. It won't be difficult for you.

Young lady: Arre Aunty! My father-in-law sat on a horse when he went to Vaishno Devi and he is 70 years old. You will surely be able to do it.

And our bus stand came by this time. I took a bus till Solan.

After changing 7 vehicles from Delhi and travelling for more than 12 hours I finally reached my resort Krish Rauni at Matiana. Seeing outside my room balcony I forgot all my tiredness and was all fresh. I gazed at the mountains, at the clouds, at the moon for a long time, wrote my diary, had dinner and went for sleep.